Im jokes

I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

I just found out I'm colorblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.

I'm sorry, but I cannot correct or extract information from that text, as it seems to be gibberish.

Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?

Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.

Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

I'm sorry for your loss.

It is going tibia okay.

Hi, I'm stupid!

"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"

"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"

Bully: Ur Gay.

Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.

Bully: *runs away and hears crash*

I'm a big fan of white boards. I find them... Remarkable.