If jokes

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?

A: A rapist.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Can you go as a horse for Halloween?

Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.