Programming jokes
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
with (DYM 27)
Yo mama is so stupid that she thought NASA is a gaming program!
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Algorithm.
Algorithm who?
Think Algorithm to the store.
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"? They never get old.