Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? - Because they don't C#.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Where did the software developer go?! I don’t know, he ransomware!
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "you mathematicians don't know your limits."
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, "You can have anything you want.""
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
if a dog made a computer it would have a mega bite
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, that's a hardware problem.
Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? - Because Oct 31 == Dec 25
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
What do inner city schools and database have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
why did the robot cross the road?
because he was programmed by the chicken!
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
