If jokes

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?

Then you get the name Chrisa.

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.

If I get an atom, I would split it with you.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.