If jokes

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?

Then you get the name Chrisa.

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.