If jokes
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
Why is 8 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9. If you think it doesn't make sense, then it is "7 ate 9."
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?
"I was raped raped."
If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
If humanity were to nominate the gayest country in the world, it would be Tel Aviv, honestly.
Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?
I would too if my name was Braille.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
If your sisert makes you 100% mad, slap your siert.
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
If someone called you ugly, say before you call me ugly, look in a mirror.
If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."
If nine is a number, then why on Earth is not "ja" a number?
Like if you know what ashes are.
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"