If jokes

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

Like if you think rape jokes are funny.

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

It's not rape if you're both crying.

If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!

If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

If I die, delete my search history.