If jokes

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

What did the panther say at the Poker Party? "I would be lion if I said I was a cheetah."

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.