If jokes

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.

Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

What did the panther say at the Poker Party? "I would be lion if I said I was a cheetah."

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaay!

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.

if you throw it hard enough.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.