If jokes

What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.

Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏

Comedian: WTF bros!

Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?

Roses are gay, violets are also gay. If you read, you are gay.

What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white?

Alive.

What do you get if you cross Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? A blonde n1gger cunt.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

Like if you blow male cows?

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?

Up your ass.

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

If the Grinch was an average white thotty b.... girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6LmcrJq6oo

If the Grinch was an average black girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYzLo8vjSqI&has_verified=1

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?

None, the rest fly away.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?