If jokes

What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.

Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.

If you're reading this, then good, let's stop this hating on this site! We can just get along, or if not, then don't say anything at all! "Kiss."

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

I'm going to piss on the floor.

Read if gay.

Aha!

If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

If you need to squint to read this...

You probably need glasses.

A pedophile is sitting at an empty poker table. An eight-year-old kid asked him if he could sit down. The pedophile says to the child, "Sure, let's play."