If jokes

Nut

    • This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

    Size

    • Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

    A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

    First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

    It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

    He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

    She walks away and says ok.

    The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

  • 0

    • Prostate exam

    • I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.

    I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.

  • 2

    • Parent

    • What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?

    The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)

    The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)

    Thanks for reading this...bye!

    If memes

    Childbirth

    • A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

    They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

  • 0

    • Woman

    • A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.

    The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?

    Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!

  • 0

    • Shit

    • Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

    You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

  • 4

    • Anorexic

    • I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.

  • 0

    • Profile

    • Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!

    Molestation

    • Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

  • 0

    • Grandma

    • The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!

  • 0