If jokes

If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!

If you give this a thumbs down, you're gay. If you give it a thumbs up, you're straight.

This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!

If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

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"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Roses are red. I love hot food. If I was a bad bitch, I'd wanna fuck me too.

Oh wait, I am.