If jokes

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

If you can’t touch your brain or see your brain, you don’t have a brain?

What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.

What are they gonna tell their parents?

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

You are shore to find loads of jokes funny even if I can’t kelp you find the right ones.

Loads of jokes are funny as I’m shore you shall sea.

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”

Johnny: “A new bike!”

If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?