If jokes
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
How do you know if an Asian is an orphan?
If their grade was only an A.
Like if you're short.
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"
If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?
None of them. Immigration service is.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?