If jokes

If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

If you play games, go play on your sister.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?

Answer: A math problem.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)