If jokes

Programmer

    • A programmer and his wife.

    She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

    After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

    The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

    He replies, "They had eggs."

  • 4

    • Man

    • A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

    One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

    The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

    The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

    So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

    "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

    The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

    The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

    The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

  • 6
    • If memes

    Cannibal

    • So, I met a boy, and he said he would be happy to be a cannibal because if we all were, we could stop overpopulation and world hunger. And I was like 😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

  • 3

    • Ugliness

    • I'm not saying I'm ugly...

    But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

  • 1

    • Duck

    • The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

    The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

    Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

    Flag

    • Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

    *Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

    Double!

    Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

    Triple!

    Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

  • 4

    • Rape

    • How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

    Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

  • 4

    • Sexism

    • If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

  • 0

    • Snake

    • Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"

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