Hygiene jokes
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?
"I got stuck in a butt crack!"
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To wipe the chicken's ass!
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.