Hygiene jokes

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?

Head and Shoulders.

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger-licking good.

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.

You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

Why take a nap on the toilet?

Because it's a restroom.

Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?

My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.

What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?

"I'm wiped!"