Hygiene jokes

Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?

He kneaded a turd.

Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?

Because they like to floss.

Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?

Me: 'Cause God made you.

Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?

A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

To get to the bottom.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.

People are still scratching their heads over it.

What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?

A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!

What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?

Head and Shoulders.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack.