Hygiene Jokes

Nobody knows how bad you smell.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

A meme showing a character from Halo, a spartan in blue armor, saying "Wait, That's illegal". The text above the image reads "When you poop then wipe but nothings there".

Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?

Head and Shoulders.

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.

What did the kid say to the toilet?

"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"