Humor

Deez

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

This joke is short, or is it 🍭 that your LOL lipop?

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

What do you call a bloody pig?

HAMorrhage!

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.