Humor
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
The joke is you! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.