Humor
My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Memes
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?
They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.