Humor
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
What's an EMO's favorite game?...... DARK SOULS
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
How do you spell "cognitive mess?"
J.O.E. B.I.D.E.N.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...