Humor

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

The snowballs.

Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

What goes zzub-zzub?

A bee flying backwards.

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain.

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

what did the banana say to the banana?

"u look a-pealing"

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He lost internet connection.