Humor

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

The snowballs.

Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain.

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

How do skeletons have sex?

They bone each other.

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.