How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
Humor
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
What do you call an Indian electrician?
Ashok 😂
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
it's not rape if we're both screaming
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
