Humor
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral? While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What is the biggest joke ever? Trump.
What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."
I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.
Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Orphan jokes are just hurtful, and that is all they are, so please stop.