Humor
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
"What's 9 + 10?"
"21" (lol XD)
Also:
"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)
One more thing:
Ninja has ligma.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Yo mama so fat it took Nationwide three years to get on her good side.
It's punny.
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