Humor
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)
Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.
Oh . . .
:(
Continue.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Jo Mama is so dumb, she tried to eat the Super Bowl.
Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."
Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To cock-a-doodle die...
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"