I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Humor
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?
They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?
Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
Yo mama is so ugly, she is the reason Slenderman has no eyes.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
