Humor
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-hens!
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
Wanna hear a pizza joke?
Ah, never mind, it's too cheesy.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Why can't you run through a campground?
Because it's "past tents!"
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!