Humor

Why are eggs bad at puns?

They always mix up their yolks!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Oliver.

Oliver who?

Oliver jokes don’t exist! 👹

I have a fat ass.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

Lol, I have no life :)

What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?

They never get old.

This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

Deja-poo.

The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."