Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
Humor
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:
1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?
2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?
3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?
4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?
5. Was this funny?
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
