Humor

Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?

'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.

Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?

Because she had a make-up exam.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.

So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

I have a fat ass.

"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.