Humor

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?

Let’s rock!

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?

To get some plane bread.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

What is a disabled person's least favorite song?

"I'm Still Standing."

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?

joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?

The wheels on the chair go round and round.

Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"

The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"

BOINGZINGA!?!

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.