Humor

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he. 😂😂

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.

When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?

A Juanda.

Where is an elephant’s penis?

On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.

My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!

My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.

Why is he ourple?

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"9/11"

"9/11 Who?"

"I thought you'd never forget..."

Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?

Her dog was blind, too.

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.