Humor
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE!
P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?
A: They already ate the bat.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
An H2hoe.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.