Humor
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Memes
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why is he ourple?
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.