Humor

Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?

A: They already ate the bat.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?

They egg-xercise every day!

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he. 😂😂

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.

What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.