Humor
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Memes
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE!
P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why is he ourple?