Humor
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why is he ourple?
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.