Humor
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
You (DYM 53).
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.