Humor
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why is he ourple?
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.