Humor

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?

A: They already ate the bat.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!

What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?

An H2hoe.

What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”