Humor

Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"

His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."

The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"

"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."

The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."

The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."

"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?

Bullying.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

What's long, brown, and sticky?

A stick.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.

Titanic jokes sink in. Pun intended.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK!