Humor

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?

Neither has he. 😂😂

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

Blood is red.

Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.

When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.