Humor
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
Memes
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?
The wheels on the chair go round and round.
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.
Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?
He can't afford a family pack.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?
There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"