Humor
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;
What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.
What's that? said the orphans.
Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.
What's the IJK?
I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.