Humor

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?

A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄

A man can form Jupiter girls came from Venus, and other genders came right from Uranus.

What kind of fish comes out at night?

A starfish.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

What do you call onions and beans?

Tear gas.

"Like if u cry everytime."

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh, honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" The sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

What is the worst comedy for disabled people?

Stand-up comedy!

it's not rape if we're both screaming

There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

Priest, "How so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

Then Matt walks out the door.

Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!

Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

Hey baba girl, I have balls, you know.