Humor
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
I gave up hope and I liked it!!
I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?
You!