Humor
The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
Memes
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Did you?
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.