Humor
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator.
Did you?
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!