Humor

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Go to soyjak.party for the funniest memes and soyjaks.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?

'Cause there are twenty of them.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

What happened when the American broke his arm?

He went broke.

Why do blondes wear tight skirts?

To keep their legs closed.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.