Humor
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
Your face is a joke.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? He didn't have any BODY to go with.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!