Humor

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?

Tortilla chips.

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Why was the chef embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing.

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.

We had sex afterwards even though she lost.

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.