Humor
bradley
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."