Humor

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!