Humor

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?

"Sum ting wong."

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.