Humor

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

What do you call a decapitated politician?

A severed head of state.

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

My fucking life, cya.

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.