Humor Jokes

These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.

What are you good at? Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said "but the world is round"

I said, babe you are my world.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes

Why can't disabled people make jokes.

Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy isn't it?

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. -- But he's still making fun of me.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

Some people think incest jokes are funny. I just think it's all relative.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"