My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool? Neither did she.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I'd hit that.
why did the depressed person cross the road.
to get ran over.
Friend:How dark is your humor? Me:It picks cotton
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
What do you call Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
Some people think incest jokes are funny. I just think it's all relative.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
Q:Do you know why people dont like abortion jokes? A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptyness inside.
Q: what does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
a stab wound
If u kill an emo Is it an assist kill?
