why did the depressed person cross the road.
to get ran over.
Friend:How dark is your humor? Me:It picks cotton
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Your Hairline is so far back it left before your dad
If u kill an emo Is it an assist kill?
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
a stab wound
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Q:Do you know why people dont like abortion jokes? A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptyness inside.
My friend; you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs
Q: what does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages
I got banned from the library from putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Men wake up with a boner. Women wake up yawning. Coincidence?
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What's the Difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos. The bar code on the emo kid gets longer everyday.
