Humor

Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

The image shows a four-panel reaction image of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala. The first panel shows Anakin smiling with text saying "I love beating children". In the second panel Padmé looks happy with the text "in a game right?". The third panel shows a more serious face from Anakin. The fourth panel shows Padmé with a worried look and the text "in a game... right?".

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

"Knock knock."

Orphan: "Who's there?"

"Not your parents."

What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.

Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?

Experience.

What do you call a man off the ground?

Hanged.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"