Dammit jokes

What are you good at?

Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

It squirted in my eye, God dammit!

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

Bick: Jesus isn't real.

Ron: Yes, He is.

Bick: Prove it, bitch.

Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.

Bick: Wh-?

Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!

The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.

Bick: Told you Jesus was real.

Satan: Get to work, slaves.

Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.

THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!

You got a dig bick.

You read that wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you read that wrong as well.

You just went and back-checked.

You reread all of that.

You have a pet wussy.

You read that wrong...

You need mental help.

Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!

We can't go under it...

We can't go over it...

We have to go through it!

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."