Humor

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

69.

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

Sans: Why did the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Why?

Sans: 'Cause he was too fat and ugly!

Papyrus: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA LOLOL,OLOLOL

What do u call a Chinese man with one leg?

Tie-wan-sho.

Yo mama so big, her belt size said "equator."

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

Bro, I'm so gay I can't even spell straight.

My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.

What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?

A bath bomb.

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.