Humor

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotofpuss.

If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.

haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Answer: Tequila

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."

Orphan: And I took that, personally.

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?

MEALS ON WHEELS :-)

Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?

Blue Jay Simpson!

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Why do orphans have no sense of humor?

I guess they've never heard a dad joke.

Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫

All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.