Humor

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Apaches.

Apaches who?

Apaches on your eye.

What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."

I forgot the joke.

Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?

It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Yo mama so fat, she wears Orion's belt!

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

What does a cow watch?

MooTube.