Humor

What place can you always find suicidal cows at?

"McDonald's."

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

What do you call a Muslim sleepover?

Osamas in Pajamas.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?

Tropical depressions.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."

Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...

Girl, scan the code on your wrist!

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

your mom

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger lickin' good!

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.