Humor

As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

Ok, not really racist but still funny.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

Why did Joey drop his ice cream?

He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.

What's the only good thing about being an orphan?

All snacks are family sized!

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.