How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Humor
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
