Humor

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?

Boi Ling.

How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.

I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

Michael Jackson is pure cheese.

I mean, Jacko comes on a little cracker.

Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

What's a school shooter's favorite flower?

Columbine.