Humor

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.

This is a joke in itself.

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.

This is not a joke.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.

Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.

If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.