Humor
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
You are all going to be pun-ished!
These aren't funny.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.