A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
Humor
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Your mom gay.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
Why couldn't the kid go rock wall climbing?
Because every time he moved his leg upward, his prosthetic leg fell off.
Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
