How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
Humor
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.
Deez nuts!
GOT EEMMMMMMMM!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
