Humor
Suck my dick!
(Ron Jeremy)
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!
There was a dude. He had a mondo dong.
His wife was like, "Yo, where are your balls?"
The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies, "I knew those meatballs tasted weird!"
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')