Humor
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.
"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
How do you shrivel a dick?
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"