Humor
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
How do you shrivel a dick?
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Suck my dick!
(Ron Jeremy)
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
You guys have very baaaaaaa-d puns!
There was a dude. He had a mondo dong.
His wife was like, "Yo, where are your balls?"
The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies, "I knew those meatballs tasted weird!"
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.