All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
Humor
We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
