Humor

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

Say "joke" 5 times.

Oh, nothing happened.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Two cows were hiding.

One said: "Moooo."

The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

All school meeting introductions:

Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

Why does everyone like couch jokes?

Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!

How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."

I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.

Why do Indians marry cows? Because they bathe in milk.

What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?

A penis always goes in the hole.