Humor
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
You cat to be kitten me right meow!
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
I know that my jokes are never punny but...
What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.
What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts