All of the jokes are just abuse.
Humor
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
That’s all sweetie!
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
