Humor
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)