Humor
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
A joke, huh?
My sense of humor.