Humor
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:
"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
You thought his puns were bad, wait till you sea mine!
The joke is this website.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
Sugar Honey Ice Tea.
I FORGOT MY JOKE!
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!