Humor
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”